An appointment with heirtothearcane

[chiron_survivor]

Adia sits eagerly in the waiting room of Viatorus's office, a small notebook and pen in her hands. Surprised that the dreamwalker had agreed to meet with her so soon after Khan's invasion, she leapt at the chance anyway. The anti-violence was restored, after all, and Isidor surely wouldn't have let her brother return to the Nexus if any danger remained.

In a way, Adia, too, was restored, freed from a filthy settlement and returned to her spaceship. She is once again dressed semi-professionally, her hair clean, the mottled bruise on the left side of her face the only reminder of her close call on New Caprica. More importantly, her heart is filled with hope -- hope for her people's future, and hope for her own.

Absently doodling a tulip in the corner of her notebook, she glances up every so often at the office door in anticipation of it opening. She can't wait to talk to Viatorus about the possibility of a research lab in the Nexus, one that caters to both magic and science. Oh, and maybe she should mention Iphigenia's idea of building a shrine to their gods in the Nexus, too...

And her nightmares. She's supposed to ask about how to stop her nightmares.

Her excitement tempered by the unpleasant reminder, she scratches out the tulip while she waits. By the time Viatorus arrives, it's nothing but an angry blue blot.

Comments

[heirtothearcane]

"It's alright, I... I just..." The uncertainty is one of what to say, until he realises that the truth isn't such a bad thing. "It wasn't what I was expecting. I've never known anyone living in the middle of a war." Except for Harrowheart, but that was different somehow, he wasn't in the middle of a war. Steve had lived through one, but he wasn't going through it now. He smiles at her. "I'm glad you were rescued. I can't imagine what that must be like."

Apparently unaware of Adia's hesitation, he continues getting her a drink and leaving the door open so that they can continue talking. "I, uh, I used to use it to get to the top of cabinets and bookcases to read in peace. Practicing that meant a lot of falling and bruising," he explains with a sheepish smile as he hands her a glass of orange juice.

[chiron_survivor]

"Really?" She looks surprised at first, but once she thinks about it, she can't think of anyone else either. At least, not in the Nexus. Maybe Blaze, but Blaze isn't a civilian, and her situation feels different somehow. She appreciates his honesty, anyway, and the sympathy. "I hope you never find out. It's no picnic." Understatement of the year, but she's not about to give him all the gruesome details of what living through a war -- a genocide -- is like, and put those awful images in his head.

His explanation makes her giggle, but she's quick to apologize in case he thinks she's laughing at him (although it is an adorable image). "Sorry, that sounds like something I would've done as a kid if I had access to air magic. I was always looking for a good nook to read in, sometimes I'd hide under a table and put a ring of stuffed animals around it to ward off any interlopers."

She thanks him for the juice and takes a small, grateful sip. It's wonderfully sweet and sour, all at once, just like she remembered.

[heirtothearcane]

"I think Isidor would single handedly stop a war to make sure I didn't," he jokes lightly. It helps him avoid talking about the Durant relationship with politics and warfare, or musing on the lengths the family would go to avoid getting involved. It's far easier just to smile.

Far from get offended her response widens his smile. "I used to try that, but one of the family friends who visited most frequently had four King Charles spaniels that would always find me no matter how long the tablecloths were. I didn't have a ring of guards though."

"My, uh, my office is just through here." He gestures past her and waits to be able to scoot past her to the door he appeared from. It's a place of warm woods and light, looking a little tidier than it normally does. It has the usual ensemble of bookcases and cabinets of a traditional office. The chairs both behind and in front of the large wooden desk are exceptionally comfy. To the side furthest from the windows a space is set aside for an odd looking chair placed within a circle marked out on the floor. Viatorus makes his way straight to a cabinet containing an assortment of bottles, one of which he takes out and sets on the desk, shortly followed by a box of tissues and then a mirror taken from another cabinet.

[chiron_survivor]

"I don't doubt it," Adia agrees, more seriously than Viatorus likely intended. After having spoken with the woman, she doesn't take a statement like that as hyperbole. "Did she tell you that we met? It was nice talking to her. She obviously cares about you very much."

She laughs again. "I don't know how much good my 'guards' would have done against four curious dogs." She's assuming dogs, anyway. There's no King Charles where she's from, no cute little breed named after them. "Did you get it to work eventually? Were you able to finally read in peace?"

Adia follows him into his office and takes a look around -- specifically where she can set down her glass without worrying about leaving a ring on his desk -- but the strange chair catches her eye. She's seen something like that before, in a furniture store specializing in ergonomics, maybe. "Is that where you do your dreamwalking?" she asks, pointing to it with her notebook.

[heirtothearcane]

"She did, yes. She didn't mention much, just that she thought you were nice and she enjoyed speaking with you." His mouth pulls back as he tries to resist smiling too widely. "It's good to know that she approves of the people I meet, and she likes to let me know either way."

The idea of Adia with her wall of soft toys getting overrun by small dogs gets a small laugh from him, which he tempers so he can answer her. "I did. Until Isidor found out. Then she would always fetch me if I was wanted somewhere."

There is a small table with some coasters on it, coasters that match the one under the cup of tea on the desk. Viatorus is more than used to having drinks around his workspace.

"Yes." He points to the floor. "I can customise the ward to help protect or focus me in different ways. It's the, ah, the best place to dreamwalk that I've found."

[chiron_survivor]

His reply both sets her at ease and brings a small, bashful smile to her face. It feels good to have Isidor's approval. "I'm glad that she's looking out for you." Her smile turns into a grin. "Even if it was sometimes to get you out of your hiding spot. My parents always managed to find me, too." Of course, she wasn't hiding on top of bookcases, and the battalion of stuffed animals usually gave her position away.

Great, a coaster! Adia snags one and places her glass upon it. The furniture is safe for another day. She holds her notebook with both hands and peers at the circle. "And being in the Nexus doesn't interfere with your dreamwalking at all? That's very convenient. That chair looks comfortable for lying in, too. How long are you asleep while you dreamwalk?"

[heirtothearcane]

It's hard not to mirror her grin. "No matter how smart we are our family always know us too well."

He holds a hand out towards it. "You can try sitting in it, if you like. It's a bit strange at first, but very comfortable." Then he goes to his desk to pick up his cup and sip at his tea. "How long I'm walking for depends on what I'm doing. It's really very difficult to measure time while dreaming. You can experience a lot in such a short amount of time."

[chiron_survivor]

"Yeah," she agrees softly, trying so hard not to let her smile dim. Her family is gone, but there's no reason to mention that right now. And anyway, it's nice to share some fond memories with someone who appreciates them.

She tilts her head, imagining the position it'd be in if she tried it out. But then she remembers the witch hazel on the desk, and, well, one thing at a time. "Maybe a little later." She sets down her notebook, then takes a tissue to the bottle of witch hazel and soaks a little of the astringent into it. "I think I know what you mean. Sometimes I've felt like I've been dreaming for hours when I know it couldn't possibly have been that long."

Carefully, she places the tissue against her bruise. It's only still a little tender, and she doesn't bother with the mirror, knowing where the worst of it still is. "Do you use a cue to wake yourself back up? Or do you just leave the dream?"

[heirtothearcane]

The possibility doesn't even occur to him, especially in this place of dreams and safety. For now he remains blissfully ignorant.

He nods in agreement with her experience. Dream-time is like that a lot. It's a little easier to discuss with her having already experienced it. "I have techniques to help me, or if it's an emergency Isidor knows how to wake me. My chronomancy isn't the best, but I've gotten better at using non magical methods."

"Have you had a chance to get back to your research at all yet?"

[chiron_survivor]

"What's the longest you've spent dream-walking? Does it tire you out, or does it count as sleep?" She's guessing the former. Adia rarely wakes up from a bad dream feeling refreshed.

She smiles brightly at the question. "Yes, I have. Mostly just data analysis, but that's fine, I wasn't allowed to do even that for the Cylons." She doesn't know what the point was of all that data she collected on New Caprica, but she suspects it's why Four was determined not to let her escape. "I'm helping with vaccinations and medical care when I can, too." Using her free hand to reach for her juice, she asks, "How about you? How's your research coming along? Isidor said that you mentioned the idea of a research lab in the Nexus to her."

[heirtothearcane]

"Oh." Good question. He rubs the back of his head as if to help him work through his memories. "Fifteen hours, I think? Unbroken, that is. It, um, it tires me out mentally, emotionally, but not much physically. Like when you're working through problems all day long without moving from your desk."

"That sounds wonderful, even if it is just analysis. And medical care, what a good thing to work on. I'm glad you're able to help out. It's always a relief to be useful."

Just as Adia did, Viatorus glows at the mention of his area of study. He sets the cup down and bounces a little on the spot, pressing the heels of his palms into the desk behind him. "It's coming along really well! We went to a consultation a few months ago that turned into..." A breath escapes him and he shakes his head, smiling. "It was an experience. I have so many ideas! I don't remember if I told you my current focus? To physically step into the land of dreams. I feel like I'm so close."

[chiron_survivor]

Fifteen hours! That seems like a long time... although when he compares it to working all day, it doesn't sound quite so extreme. "I think I've done that a few times," she admits. "Working that long without a break. Yes, it can be exhausting."

"It made sense to learn some medical care, since I was seeing people anyway for their vaccinations," she explains. She pats her bruise one last time with the tissue, then begins looking around for a wastebasket. "But, um, there's a lot more I should learn if I really wanted to help people, especially because we have limited resources." She smiles. "But yeah, it feels good to be useful."

Once the tissue is properly disposed of, she takes another sip of juice. It's as good as the first, but it doesn't distract her from Viatorus's answer. It's wonderful to hear him so enthused about his work, she wants to give it the attention it deserves. She swallows hurriedly and sets the glass back down when he explains his current focus of research. "No, you didn't! Is that possible?" She laughs and waves a hand. "Sorry, sorry, it must be because you're trying to do it. That sounds amazing, though. How is that different from going there in your sleep?"

[heirtothearcane]

There's something so nice about being able to talk about working life with someone who shares a similar experience of it. Someone other than family, too. "It's one thing to be asleep for ten or fifteen hours, it's another to do what you do. That's a very long time to concentrate in a lab for, after all. Under all those stark lights and with so much equipment."

When she looks around, tissue in hand, Viatorus scoops up the bin beside the desk and holds it for her, setting it back once she's done. "You can never have too many healers. What sort of things would you learn? First aid?"

"It's not been proven, exactly," he admits, but that doesn't seem to dim his energy. "But there are frequent mentions of people managing it one way or another. Usually with the help of Fae, gods, or going through the underworld. To establish a proven method would be a great breakthrough. That's why I'm doing it." He has to take a break before he delves into answering her question. "It's very different. I think it would be like dreamwalking, going into a place made of all the dreams of the universe. You'd have more power and influence there than you would dreamwalking, which is like astral projection, and that could open up a whole new area of dream magic. It could offer up new ways for people to resolve emotional or mental problems in a safe environment. Or maybe it could be used to travel, o-or to communicate complex concepts that involve experience and emotional states as well as practical information..." His hands wave as he talks and then press against the desk to give a little bounce again. "It could help us talk to our gods. Who knows what we could do!"

[chiron_survivor]

"Yes, exactly. And for me especially, it's a lot of staring into microscopes or at computer screens while I work. I remember a week I was pushing myself extra hard to analyze some data on a particular strain of influenza. By the end of it I thought I was losing my vision. I went to the doctor all in a panic... turned out it was just eye strain." It's normally an embarrassing memory for her, but in the company of someone who understands, she can grin at her past self's hypochondria. "I've learned to at least give my eyes a break, since then."

She smiles at Viatorus's trashcan maneuver. "Thanks," she says, tossing the tissue in the bin. She decides to sit down on one of those comfortable chairs, close enough to her juice and notebook so she doesn't have to reach awkwardly should she want either. "Yeah, more first aid... more complicated first aid. I can wrap a sprained ankle but I can't set a bone, for example. And there's nothing worse than trying to help someone and you don't know what to do. So I'm hoping to learn more."

Listening as attentively as she is, it's impossible to miss the way the color drains from her face when he mentions the underworld, or how her gaze turns distant and cloudy. It takes a great deal of effort for her to return to the conversation, although by the time he's done talking, she seems to have shaken off whatever awful spell that word had put her under. "Some things make so much more sense in dreams," she agrees, "That's... that sounds amazing. A lot of potential." It sounds dangerous, too, but she's not going to say it. How often have people given her a hard time for working with infectious diseases? She's sure that Viatorus will be just as careful as she is, if he succeeds.

[heirtothearcane]

"That sounds terrifying," he admits in a soft breath. "The idea of losing your sight because of your dedication... I'm glad I've never had a problem like that. I only have to deal with confusing my sleep cycles, occasionally becoming more nocturnal. I never hurt myself because of my work."

"Would you do that? Learn how to set bones and- I suppose that would be like a... a nurse? Or, what are they called..." He turns to face upwards until it comes to him and he smiles at her. "Paramedic?"

The change in Adia's expression doesn't go unnoticed, though in his excitement he's not sure what he did to cause it. His thumbs flick off the edge of his desk, fidgeting. "I think so." Nerves setting in, he rubs his arm before thinking of a change of topic. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk your ear off. You wanted to talk about some things?"

[chiron_survivor]

"It was only scary because I over-reacted," Adia says reassuringly. "And I think becoming more nocturnal is par for the course for academics."

It's kind of funny how it takes him a while to come up with the right word, but she chalks that up to his sheltered lifestyle. "Yes, like a paramedic. Although our medical system is not nearly so organized currently. There are doctors and other medical professionals on the larger ships, but it can take a while to see one. They're all overworked. It's easiest if we know how to take care of ourselves first."

She can see his confusion, and feels bad for derailing his enthusiasm. Fingers twisting at the ends of her scarf, she's tempted to broach the subject again of a research lab in the Nexus, to pretend that she wasn't just triggered by his mention of the underworld. But then... then what if she kept reacting to anything relating to her nightmares? Who would want to enter a partnership with someone who spaced out all the time?

And he is a dreamwalker. He's nice, too. Maybe it's time for her to accept his offer to help her with her dreams.

She takes a deep breath and looks up at him. "Yes... a few different things. But, um... first. I was wondering." She tugs at her scarf a little. "Do you, um... do you have any advice on how to deal with recurring nightmares?"

[heirtothearcane]

He can't help but grin at her assessment of academics. "That's true."

"They would probably appreciate all the help they can get," he muses aloud. Offering a small smile he adds, "So must the people you treat."

"Mmhm." He can almost hear his etiquette teacher's shriek. "I-I mean yes. Yes, it's... one of the most common things I get asked about." He laughs sheepishly and then sits in the other chair on the same side as Adia. It doesn't seem right for him to be formal with her. She's been through enough and he has a feeling she could use a bit of care. "It helps if, I mean if you're willing to, you explain what happens in your dreams? It's all confidential, of course."

[chiron_survivor]

"So long as I don't get in anybody's way when I'm helping." She smiles modestly. "I'm sure they do." Microbiology will always be her true calling, but she's growing comfortable with her more hands-on role in dealing with illness and injury.

She relaxes her shoulders when he sits next to her, but she doesn't stop fidgeting with her floral-print scarf. "Um... sure. I mean, yeah, that makes sense. To tell you about it." Not that it makes it any easier for her to start. She only told him a few minutes ago that she was in the middle of a war, how is she going to explain all the awful things that happened that led her to having this specific nightmare?

She takes another deep breath. It will be okay. She can just... tell him. Let him make of it what he will. Maybe it's a good thing that she's never burdened him with her problems before now.

"So, um... I've been having nightmares since the war started. Because, obviously, it's rough, and... y'know. That's what the brain does, when bad things happen. But lately I've been having a new nightmare. And it's not like the other ones, it's-- it's the same, and it's over and over. Almost every night. Like clockwork.

"You know the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, right? In the dream, I'm Orpheus, and Eurydice is... is someone that I loved. Someone that I lost at the beginning of the war. I go into the underworld, and I play for Hades and Persephone. Persephone cries, she tells Hades to let Cas-- Caspar. His name was Caspar. To let him go. So I head for the surface, and I'm not supposed to turn around until we're both above ground. He's right behind me, but... but I'm not sure. I think maybe he's not really there, or that he's a different person, and that Hades tricked me. But I keep walking, and I finally make it to the surface, and I turn around --"

Her lower lip trembles and she looks down. "It's too soon. It's always too soon. He gets taken away from me... again. Every time."

[heirtothearcane]

For once he isn't the most nervous person in the room. In fact he's focused on Adia as he patiently waits for her to prepare herself to relive her nightmare. He smiles gently when she expresses her understanding of nightmares being the brain's reaction to bad things happening. While she tells her story he tries to look encouraging, not quite smiling but attentive.

When she finishes he spots the tell tale signs of someone on the verge of crying so with a small bit of magic he pulls over the box of tissues she'd used for the witch hazel, taking it and then offering them to her. "That's good, Adia. Not… Not what happens, or what happened to you, but the nightmare, the detail." That probably isn't helping. He rubs his chin, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. "You're right about the brain making nightmares after bad experiences. That's because your subconscious is trying to work with your conscious self. Dreams are often ways of trying to resolve things that are causing you stress. It tries to find solutions to problems or give you dream time to process events. Your brain…" A smile passes across his face. "Well, it's… very articulate. It's using the timeless method of storytelling to try and give you a message."

The tempered enthusiasm dims to something more appropriately considerate. "There is one more question… Did anything happen to cause this nightmare? Even something small, like someone talking about something that got you thinking. Or seeing a photograph, watching a film? Anything."

[chiron_survivor]

Caught up in her retelling of her nightmare, she barely notices the bit of magic he uses to get the box of tissues. She takes one with a murmured thanks and wipes away the mistiness that had been threatening to turn to tears.

Eyes dry once more, she swings her gaze up to Viatorus as he explains why a detailed nightmare would be a good thing. She's not incredulous so much as confused, and listens patiently, giving him the time he needs. She even manages a small, bashful smile when he calls her brain articulate. That's a nice, albeit strange, compliment.

His question, unfortunately, brings back her fidgeting and a troubled frown. She knows what happened to cause her new nightmare. It's as obvious as the bruise on her face. But it will require her to talk about what happened, backstory and all, and there's no box of wine or pint of ice cream to help her this time.

"It's, um... it's more complicated than that. Caspar was a sleeper agent for the enemy. He, um, he killed himself, when he found out." She crumples the tissue in her hand. "We're at war with sentient robots. They're called Cylons. They have... human forms. Lots of copies of each model. Like clones? And, um, what I didn't know at the time was that when they die, they can download into a new body..."

She pauses, looking at Viatorus briefly to make sure he's following. He has an office in the Nexus so he must be used to all kinds of weird stories, but she can't help but feel like her story is weirder than most. "U-um, right before we were rescued from New Caprica, I was brought in for questioning because my neighbor was a suspected resistance fighter. Caspar got me out of the interrogation room, he led me out of the detention center. At the time I-- I was sure it was him. But-- but I had to ask anyway. If it was him. And he--" Her eyes water again and she hurriedly wipes them. "He didn't give me an answer, just pushed me away instead. And that was the last I saw of him."

[heirtothearcane]

Viatorus sets the box on the desk within arm's reach and leans forward, eager to help her as much as he can. For now that means listening and doing his best to understand her as well as he can. The more she speaks the easier it is to read and connect to her emotions, so when she tells him that Caspar killed himself Viatorus can feel the punch to his gut. "I'm so sorry, Adia..."

But she's moving on, explaining more, adding layers to the tale. He can practically see Adia's emotions as waves crashed them against sharp rocks, granted her a hopeful breath, and then sucked her under the surface again. He wants to reach out to her, to soothe the wounded heart he feels as his own, but his hand only hovers briefly over hers before awkwardly pulling away. Making assumptions about boundaries has only brought him grief. "I'm so sorry. That... That's terrible."

He decides to give her a minute to breathe and then offers her what he finds most helpful at times like this: A distraction. Problem solving.

"Your dreams are a part of you. They're yourself trying to tell you something." He smiles at her gently. "I can suggest pills and teas, sleep schedules, even magic. I have so many things to offer, but in the end the best resolution comes with being able to come to listen to yourself." He folds his hands in his lap then. "If I was you and you wanted me, you, to know anything, what would it be?"

[chiron_survivor]

She breathes silently for a moment or two. There, that wasn't so bad. She blinks at his hand before looking up at him once more. It's like looking into a mirror, her pain reflected in his expression. She hadn't expected that. Sympathy, maybe, but not empathy. It releases something tight in her chest and she eases up on her fidgeting. Even if he's never been through what she has, he understands somehow.

It helps. A little.

A solution would help, too, and she'd probably be willing to try any of those things, but the question he poses takes her by surprise. "If... I was talking to myself, you mean? I guess I'd tell her... sorry, tell you..." She focuses her attention on him. "Um... you need to... you need to move on. Caspar... he made his decision." Her hands clench at her scarf. "It-- it doesn't matter why he pushed you away, if it was for your own good, or his... if he still loves you or not, if he was scared or not, it doesn't matter. You have to let it go. You have to let him go!"

Her voice cracks, and she turns away, reaching for another tissue. "S-sorry. Sorry." She blots her eyes. "I, um, I got a little carried away there..."

[heirtothearcane]

It's a funny thing, empathy. He would never claim to fully understand what she's been through, but he can feel what it's like nevertheless. It only makes him want to help her all the more. All things considered, he's not too surprised by the outburst. In contrast to his usually nervous demeanour he remains calm with an ever present expression of either concern or encouragement.

"It's alright. It's good. It's intense, and it's going to be. But I don't want you to hide them, Adia. It's these intense, powerful emotions that your nightmares are trying to address." He shuffles a little closer to the edge of his chair, eager for her not to focus too much on him on embarrassment. "What would I say back if I were you? After hearing what you told me. How would I react?"

[chiron_survivor]

The fact that he can feel what she's feeling without it making him nervous is very helpful. It makes him someone safe. All the same, she's glad that he gives her a little space to keep her from becoming too embarrassed. She's obviously struggling with expressing her emotions. For all the kindness she shows others, she reluctant to extend any of that grace to herself.

"I'd... I'd tell you that it's not that easy." She gestures helplessly with her hand holding the tissue, the other still curled in the ends of her scarf. "Th-that... that I can't turn off my feelings. I can't... I can't move on, not when he's still out there..." She rubs at her eyes and sighs. "And then I'd probably cry. A lot."

[heirtothearcane]

This time the silence is for him to consider these two answers. His lips purse slightly to match the faint crease in his brow, both things that get more noticeable when he looks at her again. Viatorus' voice is gentle "You feel guilty for loving him, and for having these feelings… But you're also angry at yourself for it. You know you must do one thing, but you feel drawn to do another, much like in your dream..."

His eyes glaze over and he remains still but for the slight motion of him rubbing finger and thumb together thoughtfully. "In fact…" Though he's still on the edge of his chair, he straightens and tilts his head at Adia. "Are you… angry at yourself for asking Caspar if he was Caspar?"