Spring socializing. ((Open to anyone.))

[chiron_survivor]

It has been a long winter, made longer by the fact that Adia could not reach any of her friends in the Nexus. When spring arrives and her PINpoint starts working again, she wastes little time in sending out a message.

Hello! This is Adia. Caspar and I were locked out of the Nexus until now. Please reply if you get this message and let me know how you're doing and if there's anything I can get you?

In the interest of efficiency, she sends it as a blind carbon copy to most of her Contact List.

((Feel free to tag once, play out a thread, or handwave your muse's reponse. Also, if you want me to know specifically that Adia can't/won't get a message, feel free to share. :) ))

Comments

[coldsong]

As far as Loki can tell, the Jotun half-naked aesthetic is partly for the sake of intimidation, partly for the sake of displaying natural skin ridges, and partly because ice-armor can be grown directly off bare skin more easily than off of fabric or metal. He's really feeling his way along, though, because he's never spoken to an adult Frost Giant in friendship--unless you count his alternate, and he's reluctant to ask him questions that might sting. That is a gap in his education he will have to fill sooner or later, but he's in no hurry. He does not entirely know how to talk the talk, but he's quite good at walking the walk already.

He gives her a princely nod as she goes to fetch their order. It's hardly gentlemanly to have the lady buy for him and stand to get things, but he's ignoring manners for the moment. And he's rewarded with a share of chocolate cake! Adia, you shouldn't enable him.

"Thank you! I might have a taste, if you don't mind." Technically, he's a little malnourished, although nowhere near as strained by it as most of the other Nexusites.

Seeing her face to face again makes it feel a little less strange. He hasn't forgotten Reynard's words, nor will he, but being wary of attachments doesn't have to mean cutting himself off completely from all mortals beings. Therein lies madness.

Then again, madness may be inevitable.

He shrugs at her question. "Better than the first time around? Facing the truth that one is the exact type of monster that haunted one's childhood nightmares is never going to be nice. But...it suits, somehow, I am finding."

He blows on the surface of his coffee, and it leaves a thin sheen of ice, which melts the moment he stops blowing. He smirks at her across the table, leaving no doubt that was showing off.

"And it is worth acknowledging to myself that there is much within me that even I fear."

[chiron_survivor]

"Not at all, help yourself." She smiles at him, finding it easier to look him in his red eyes and not be quite so distracted by his bare chest. To her, it's only mannerly to take on the role of host, as she's the one who invited him to coffee. And she's glad he accepted, even if she's still a little nervous. His godly status hasn't changed, even if his appearance has.

She forks herself a bite of cake while Loki speaks, her expression pensive. She hasn't experienced this scenario, but Caspar has. Only recently as he started sharing his feelings about it.

The iced coffee trick catches her attention. Her eyes widen, suitably impressed. "I hope whatever you learn about yourself, it's helpful," she says sincerely. "It's better to acknowledge that fear than to ignore it. I mean, um... that's been my experience..."

She pops that bite of cake into her mouth and ignores everything else for a moment to savor its rich, chocolate-y goodness, and take advantage of the fact that she doesn't have to say anything else so long as she's eating.

[coldsong]

He hasn't picked up on her nervousness about his bare chest, specifically, as of yet. She's always been a little shy of him, and he feels like he's become a different person over the winter, so he's quick to assume she feels that, too. If he realized it was his lack of shirt rather than his blue skin that's got her gaze flitting awkwardly, he'd be gratified. And he'd probably push his luck a little, because he's still annoyed with Caspar.

Best for them both if they focus on the cake. He takes a taste without frosting, considers, tries it with, and then hums his satisfaction. He really prefers ice cream, but a good, moist cake is pleasant enough.

"I would ask what you have to fear, inside yourself," he says after a moment, "but you did tell me you've made a discovery regarding your Moon Rune."

[chiron_survivor]

It'd be an easy way to rattle Caspar's chain, certainly. Not that the Cylon has anything to worry about. In fact, by the time Loki makes his implied inquiry, the distraction is put out of her mind, replaced with her quiet enjoyment of the cake. She missed her Nexus friends over the winter, but she missed this, too.

She swallows her bite, then takes a sip of mocha to wash it down. "Yes, I did, I -- well, I don't know how much I've told you about my world, but humans aren't the only sentient beings. There are Cylons, too -- biological robots. They are a lot like humans, but with enhanced abilities. One of those is the ability to create vivid mental projections and share them with other Cylons. They can't share them with humans... except for me."

It's difficult to express how meaningful this is to her without going into a much more detailed backstory, but it doesn't seem to unnerve her, this newfound ability. "I can create and share my own, too." She absently twists the ring on her finger, smiling softly. "It's nice."

[coldsong]

Loki is, in general, meticulously careful not to come between couples he's made friends of in the Nexus. As much as he delights in Runa's company, he careful to refer to her as Mrs. Durant more often than not, and even if he has a bone to pick with Caspar, he's not about to try seducing Adia. Which is just as well, if it wouldn't work.

He blinks slowly at the information, putting pieces together, and hums softly. "And Caspar is one of these Cylons."

He notes the ring on her finger belatedly, and smiles. "Are you sure it's your rune that's caused this, and not merely a newfound emotional connection? Congratulations. Based on my understanding of Midgard's culture, you seem to be engaged?"

[chiron_survivor]

She'd be pleased to know that, considering the history of the gods in her pantheon and the stories she's heard of the Great Ones. She pushes the plate a teeny bit in his direction, in case he wants more.

There's only a moment of surprise at the fact that Loki guessed correctly. "Yes," she confirms, smiling briefly. "He's, um... well, there was a war between humans and Cylons for a number of years. He was a sleeper agent on my ship when the Cylons attacked. And then... I didn't see him for a while. His entire model was destroyed at the end of the war, but he survived and came back to me. That was well over a year ago."

Maybe that's why Caspar was so adamant that Loki not pile more drama onto her plate, if she's already cohabiting with a former enemy.

And then he comments on her engagement, and her entire being lights up. "Oh... yes, thank you. Caspar proposed over the winter." She picks up her coffee, needing something to do with her hands. "And, um... well, I won't deny that we're even closer than we were before, but I'm pretty sure it's the rune? I had some weird dreams leading up to it, and that's usually a sign that my rune's acting up."

[coldsong]

Well, if he's going to be offered another bite, he'll take it. He does like sweets, although chocolate is, oddly, not his favorite. This is quite well-made, though. He savors it slowly, listening to her explanation with little change in his facial expression.

It does explain a few things about her and Caspar, though. He doesn't give a damn about the man's feelings about "drama", but it's natural to want to protect one's lover.

And despite mixed feelings, he can't help but smile at the way she lights up. That's just adorable. "I guessed right, then. I assume you will wed on your own world, but I hope you'll let me know when so that I may congratulate you."

In the meantime, the rune is ostensibly what she wanted to talk to him about, so he diverts back to that topic. "Weird dreams of what sort? Are you comfortable sharing?"

[chiron_survivor]

If he's not going to ask more about their past, she's content to drop the topic. She knows that Caspar is not Loki's favorite person at the moment, so it's really rather nice that he smiles and so willingly offers his congratulations. "Yes, on our world. I wish I could invite my Nexus friends, but it would raise too many questions. It's going to be a small ceremony, anyway, neither of us are big on large gatherings. I'll let you know, it'll be be soon, before tulip season ends."

How weird would that be, though, to have an actual god at her wedding? Then again, the Durants had a goddess at their wedding, and it wasn't weird. Just super, super fancy.

In contrast to the topic of her upcoming nuptials, thinking about her dreams puts a small, pensive frown on her face. "It's... mmm, I don't know, I keep having the same one over and over. I'm a deer, or I'm chasing a deer, and I'm out in nature, and it's at night and the moon is like --" She holds her hand a couple of inches above her her head, "-- right there. Following me. And everything is all silvery and thread-y. Like I'm looking at a tapestry, but super up-close, and if I try to pull back to see what I'm looking at..." She shrugs. "Well, that's usually when I wake up."

She takes a bite of cake, hoping that she hasn't bored Loki. Describing them in the light of day suddenly makes them sound more silly than strange.

[coldsong]

Loki's grudges are as changeable as his temper. He might be an asshole to Caspar next time they meet, but at the moment he's content to observe Adia's joy and appreciate it for what it is.

His sanguine nod says he wasn't expecting to be invited in any case. He is not a good omen for a marriage, although he would certainly attempt to be a civil guest if called upon to do so. He might give them a gift, if something comes to mind.

Maybe. Depends on his mood.

He considers what she tells him, and he doesn't seem to think it's silly, or even all that peculiar, but what it means, he couldn't say offhand. "That's a compelling image," he says. "The deer and the moon. Are you sure the moon is following you, or is it possible you are carrying it?"

[chiron_survivor]

A God of Lies at a wedding is probably not a good omen, no. But Adia would not want him to feel left out. There's been enough of that already.

"Carrying the moon?" She rubs one of her arms, as if warding off a chill. "I mean, I'm not surprised by the moon being in my dreams. It feels like She's watching me, sometimes, even when I'm awake. The deer is the sacred animal of Artemis. She's the Lord of Kobol most closely tied to the moon..."

She's silent for a few seconds, staring at her half-eaten cake as if it might hold all the answers, before she meets Loki's gaze anew. "This is going to sound close-minded of me, but..." She sighs. "I can accept the fact that gods from other realities have contacted me, but the thought of the gods being real in my world -- and not just real, but actively involved in people's lives -- well, it really freaks me out."

[coldsong]

He promises not to pull a Maleficent and curse her firstborn if she neglects to invite him somewhere.

"Well. You may have attracted Her notice, then. Deer appear in more than one pantheon, though. The Norse tribes who worshiped my kind once thought there were sacred stags that nibbled the branches of Yggdrasil."

He steals another bite of cake, then sets his fork down definitively, listening to her musings. "I'm not sure I understand," he tells her, lips curled with amusement. He understands the words she's spoken, but it strikes him as very odd.

"After all you have been through in this place, the Rune writ inside your head, the potentiality of gods in your own world unsettles you? What is the difference between a god here and a god there?"

[chiron_survivor]

Well, that's a relief. Although the likelihood of her even having a firstborn is slim to none.

The image of deer munching on the World Tree brings a small smile to her face. "Deer are sacred to her because she's the goddess of the hunt," she explains. "She's the goddess of chastity, too. I don't know why she'd be interested in me, aside from the moon. I certainly don't hunt anything, and, um..." She blushes, but otherwise refuses to be embarrassed by what she says next. "I am definitely not keeping chaste."

She takes a sip of coffee to clear her expression, although Loki's look of amusement puts a small, defensive pout on her face once she's set it back down. "Because... because there just is, okay?" She huffs and fusses with her napkin, the closest thing within her reach. "After everything that's happened on my world, the thought of a bunch of gods watching it all play out and doing nothing -- or worse, causing it -- is an unsettling thought. And, I mean, why me? Why not one of the priests or someone who actually believes in them?"

[coldsong]

His brows quirk at her commentary about chastity, and he really looks like he wants to say something of it. They're not quite at the point where he can play the part of her sassy gal pal--though they might yet get there if they keep having coffee and sharing cake like this. And so, rather than be creepy, he merely smirks and holds his tongue.

"'Chaste' means different things to different people. You are unmarried, for a little while longer. Perhaps she just wants to have a bit of time with you before you leave the world of the maiden for the world of the wife. This is a time of change for you, and the moon is nothing if not an agent of change."

"What about the thought of a bunch of gods desperately trying to keep the worst from happening to their people, and only able to save a few? And mourning for their own failures. That is, I'm afraid, a third possibility, and it may not be comforting, but perhaps it should be. We cannot always save you, but we are with you."

[chiron_survivor]

It's a small relief that he doesn't make more of it. She considers his counter-argument, then nods her head a little, tentatively considering the possibility, mostly for the wishful notion that once she's married, Artemis will stop taking an interest in her.

Of course, it's always possible that it's not Artemis who has been keeping an eye on her in her world.

Loki's comment has her looking up at him, her coffee and cake forgotten, before dropping her gaze guiltily. It does not surprise her that Loki would say such a thing. Had she forgotten to search for sympathy for her own gods? She supposed that even she was not immune to the cynicism and bitterness that a genocide causes, struggling for answers and finding none satisfactory. She never blamed the Cylons for their hate, but maybe she did blame her gods, at least as much as she had been willing to believe in them.

"If that's the case... then that is comforting." She eyes Loki hesitantly and asks, "Do you ever speak to people in dreams?"

[coldsong]

Indeed. There are always other moon gods and goddesses.

Loki is not a theologian, though he is certainly spiritual, in his way. And he knows what it's like to genuinely desire the best for followers or worshiper, to have that denied, and to be blamed. There are stories on the tip of his tongue, but it seems that he might be better off just listening for now, and letting her come to her own conclusions.

"I cannot promise it is, but in my experience," he says with restraint, "it may be."

"In dreams? I have, and still can. Do you think someone is speaking to you that way?"

[chiron_survivor]

Artemis was not the first moon goddess worshipped on Kobol, but tales of Selene predate the Sacred Scrolls, and she isn't mentioned much in modern religion. There is also the relatively new human belief that there is only one god, much like the Cylons believe, but most consider that wildly eccentric, if not downright heretical.

"That's not how most people view the Lords of Kobol," she notes, giving him a little context. "They're... remote. Available for spiritual guidance, but not involved in the mundane. It's why I didn't turn to them, once the War started. It was hard to find comfort in such distant, almost abstract figures. Then, um... well, we found Earth, and it was nothing short of a miracle. One moment we were being pulled into a black hole, and the next we were orbiting the moon. I prayed right before we jumped... I don't think the gods were listening to me, but they might have been listening to the woman who put in the coordinates."

The subject of dreams is lighter in comparison, and Adia smiles a little in response to Loki's answer. "Good dreams?" she asks. "Or do you make people think they've got a paper due and somehow have forgotten to put on pants?" She's joking a little, although she wouldn't put it past Loki to have a little fun like that. At his question, she starts to shake her head, then pauses, a pensive look on her face. "Maybe. Before I was able to mentally project like a Cylon, I had a dream about it. I just wonder if these moon dreams are trying to tell me something, too."

[coldsong]

"Without knowing your gods," Loki says, "I could not say for sure, but sometimes what a divine being can and cannot do is based on what their worshipers expect of them. Belief is self-perpetuating, that way."

"In the old days," he murmurs, "I would send dreams of hard truths to those in power, who needed to know better. And I would send the most beautiful lies to my followers who needed solace. Dreams of a better world."

He shakes himself. "Of late, yes, I prefer narratives like you suggest, though. An amusement for me, a harmless annoyance for the receiver of the dream."

"You should write them down," he tells her. "Your dreams. In as much detail as you can recall, in the morning. And reread them when you can. You may find nuance or details you forgot returning to you."

[chiron_survivor]

His words harken back to their earlier conversation about gods, and she nods pensively, taking in what he says. She'll have to keep that in mind when she's back on Atlantis. At least she has the peace of mind to do so now. Prayer to the gods is no longer a frantic thing.

"Hard truths," she repeats quietly. It makes her think of Gaius Baltar and his cursed time as president of the Fleet. "I can think of a few people who could have used dreams like that. Or at least the forgetting the pants one."

"That's a good idea. I, um... used to do that, actually, years ago. But during the war, my dreams were... dark. Nightmares, really. And even the good dreams were bad because I'd wake up and realize that they weren't true. So I didn't write them down because I wanted to forget them as fast as possible..." She looks away, as if embarrassed, and clears her throat. "But, yeah, that's something I should do now. It'll help."

She takes the last bite of cake, since Loki seems to have had his fill. When she's done, she looks up at him again and smiles shyly. "Thanks for the advice. I missed talking to you."

[coldsong]

"That's the trouble with having the power of retribution," Loki tells her mildly. "There are so many people to use it on. More than there are stars in the sky. Were I ever to become a spirit of justice or vengeance, all my time would be taken up with it."

This is why he's a Trickster, instead. It's peripherally related, in a way, involving just desserts. But there's a lot more space to be mercurial and pursue other ends.

"I'm sorry you suffered so," he says quietly. "War is a nightmare in itself."

He doesn't ask, because he doesn't especially want to know, what it was about, or what it was like. Really, all you have to know is that there was a war to assume immense suffering.

His gaze softens, although there is uncertainty in it, too. "There is a risk, you know, when immortal and mortal folk attempt a friendship. But I am selfish and reckless, and I will continue to talk to you whenever the opportunity arises."

[chiron_survivor]

"Our pantheon saves that for the afterlife," she says, feeling a little awkward for sharing even that. Bad dreams are one thing, but she really doesn't wish for anyone to be punished so harshly for their crimes that they can't someday learn from their mistakes and become a better person for it.

Which is why his sympathetic words are especially comforting. "It was pretty bad," she agrees. "Sometimes I still have nightmares about it. But not many." A smile peeks out and she adds, "If it's not dreams about the moon, then I'm back in high school and have an exam that I didn't study for. I think I'm doomed to have those for the rest of my life, and I can't blame a deity for them. Only higher education."

That smile fade a notch when Loki expresses the risk in their friendship. "I know," she replies, voice heavy with regret, her own expression uncertain. "Loki... I hope this isn't obnoxious to ask, but... if I say or do something that upsets or offends you, will you tell me? I would never do so intentionally, but this whole... talking to gods thing is... well, I don't want to make things worse in my ignorance, you know?"

[coldsong]

"I'm a poor choice to talk about the afterlife. This seems to be what passes for mine." He shrugs.

Her talk of high school nightmares puts a smile back on his face, and he gives a little laugh. "I missed out on that traumatic form of education. I have private tutors, and then my mother was my primary magic teacher. Odin taught me a few things, as well."

He's quiet for a moment after her request, staring into the dregs of his coffee. "Well, it's not obnoxious to ask," he says.

"I can try. But it's hard to articulate sometimes, in words a mortal person might understand. I don't mean that to sound condescending. I am certainly the type of god whose experience is as close to that of a human as is possible for the divine. I am bound to time, I feel pain and weariness, and some day I will die and not be able to escape from it. I'm not sure how I could explain what a prayer feels like, or how it is to watch a shaman throw herself through the veil trying to reach you...or to have half-human children, watch them grow and age and die and carry on your line on the Earth for generations, and fear they are cursed because they bear your blood. Or what it is like to have an essence, a self, that is truly unable to be purity and light and uprightness, because that position is taken and darkness and trickery must exist to balance it."

"You must understand, I cannot be a 'better person'. I can only be a better Loki. Which is something I am trying very hard to be, but at my best, I am no less the god of lies, and mischief, and wild wind and ice and flame."

"I have done terrible things. Many of them were coerced, through torture, through mind control; others were the result of a shock that I am still fighting to recover from. But some I have done deliberately, and might even do again."

"I am not seeking forgiveness. The things I have done that were not of my own volition, I will not accept mercy for, because they were not my actions. Those that were done of my own free will I cannot accept forgiveness for, because to do so would be to betray that core of my being, that self that is mischief and lies."

"For that same reason, compassion is difficult for me to accept. I do not wish people to pity me for being what I am. I only want my pain to be understood, and my part in the universe accepted."

He takes a breath. "And that is difficult for people--not just humans--of good will. Like yourself, like Captain Rogers, like dear Sif, like many others I have known. Even Thor."

"So. I will try to explain, when I can. I have tried before and found my words inadequate, many times over, and sometimes it exhausts me. But because you ask me in good faith, and because I do have fondness for you, I will continue to try."

[chiron_survivor]

It's tempting to reassure him that as far as afterlives go, this is pretty good, but that would be jinxing things, wouldn't it? At least she gets a little laugh out of him with her joke about dreams. It's nice to be able to find humor in such things again. "Consider yourself lucky, then. High school is a very specific kind of Tartarus, I'm glad I only have to go back in my dreams."

And then, when the subject turns serious, she sits still and listens to all he has to say. It's a relief to know that she wasn't rude to ask, although the answer is far more complicated than she anticipated. As he speaks of being close to the human experience, and yet so fundamentally different, she nods a little in understanding. This is why it's easier, in a way, to be in the presence of gods who are entirely inhuman. Loki is close enough to what she is familiar with, that it's easy to forget the parts that are wholly divine.

It is also no surprise that he would reject compassion, in light of his explanation. He's right, that's a tough thing for her to wrap her head around, although it's interesting that even Thor has the same problem.

When he tells her that he is fond of her, she blushes automatically, flattered by his graciousness, but doesn't stop thinking about his words. She finishes her coffee, giving herself a few more seconds to ponder them.

"Thank you," she begins. "For trying. I know that puts you in the position of having to explain yourself yet again, but I think I have a better idea now of where I might trip up, anyway, so I'll be more careful, too."

Her gaze slides over to the street, where many other Nexus-goers are out and about, enjoying the mild weather. "When I first came to the Nexus, I befriended a... a spirit. He was very kind to me. My closest friend here, in many ways. And then... well. I don't know what happened. Maybe it was something I did, maybe it was something I didn't do. But he stopped speaking to me, and... well, I knew our friendship wouldn't last forever, but it hurt a great deal that I didn't even get a chance to find out why he turned his back to me."

She looks up at Loki tentatively. "I don't want that to happen with you, too. If I mess up, I want at least a fighting chance to make things right."

[coldsong]

He spares a moment to consider the possibility of shapeshifting and trying a high school or college himself, some day. Not for a whole term, probably. Just a taste. It could be fun.

The discussion at hand is more important, though. He lets out a little sigh when he wraps up, and stays quiet for her response.

"I do not reject compassion entirely," he says, to clarify. "It's just difficult. And compassion without understanding often rings hollow. Perhaps it should not. We do not have to know how it feels to fly to feel grief for a bird with a broken wing. But past experience can make a person...overly defensive."

He listens to her story about befriending a spirit, and does not have to guess who she means. "Reynard." He says, with no question in his voice. Context tells him quite a bit, and he hasn't forgotten her reaction to the name back during Yule.

"I could tell you what he told me of humans in general, over the Winter, but I do not know what goes on in his head. I like him, and I distrust him. It would do all three of us a disservice for me to try and guess what happened there. But while our natures overlap, and we have some opinions in common, I assure you I am very much not Reynard."

[chiron_survivor]

"There's a difference between empathy and sympathy," she agrees. "Although you might be surprised at who you have something in common with around here." She's thinking of Thor as an example, how both she and the deity have lived through an apocalypse, but then it dawns on her that she has that in common with Loki as well. She doesn't comment, though. Maybe it's something they can talk about another time, if he feels like it.

She nods morosely when he says the spirit's name, then pales and tugs at her windbreaker uneasily, pulling it tighter around her. "I'd never ask you to get involved," she says sincerely. "Honestly, I... I think if there was a point he and I could talk about it, we're beyond that."

Besides, the very thought gives her middle school flashbacks. There's hurt in her down-turned gaze as she thinks about her former friendship, disappointment and grief and even a touch of outrage, but she blinks all that way, refocusing on Loki with clear eyes. "Thanks for saying so," she says, smiling a little. "I'll try not to get hung up what happened before."

[coldsong]

"Not even empathy," he says quietly, as if musing to himself, "though that would be welcome. Just...a little time taken to understand why I might have done something, rather than making uncharitable assumptions."

"I do things other than trick and lie and manipulate. People forget that. I suppose I make it hard to remember."

He studies her expression with a kind of regret, and shakes his head. "If you'd like to talk about it some time...but not today, I think."

"Next time we talk, I should probably buy the coffee," he adds after a moment's thought. "Though you might well be a married woman by that time. I hope you and Caspar will be well."

He could say a prayer to Frigga on their behalf. Even if his own mother will neither hear nor be able to respond, some version of her still might. Then again, some versions of Frigga have a very good reason to give him the cold shoulder.

Perhaps he'll just keep his fingers crossed for them.