A little help, please? ((for westfallcorndog))

[chiron_survivor]

Caspar is alive.

Caspar is alive and he wants to see her.

Today.

Never in her life has she been more distracted. She has an entire day of research to get through, and all she can think about is Caspar. What is he going to say? What is she going to say?

She needs advice, but she can't ask Maggie or Seth. They don't even know that Caspar survived. She could maybe ask Captain Agathon...

No, he has far more important things to do. And anyway, maybe it's better if she asks someone who isn't quite so close to the situation...

Hiding in a small grove of trees not far from the lab, she pulls out her PINpoint and scrolls through her contact list until she reaches the name of the one person who has been the most sympathetic to her romantic troubles, who would have the greatest insight into Caspar and his motivations.

Hi, Harrowheart. Do you have time to talk right now via text? I could use a little advice. Thanks.

She lets about ten seconds go by before sending another text.

It's just that it turns out that Caspar is alive after all because he was on Galactica and not the enemy base, and he got shot but he's better now and he wants to see me today and I don't know what to say or do and I'm worried that he'll be mean to me again but I'm hoping he won't and if you could let me know if you got this text and get back to me soon that'd be really great, thank you!

Wow, her PINpoint has a crazy long character limit for texts.

Comments

[westfallcorndog]

Adia is texting him? What a rare treat! Harrowheart begins to reply but hardly gets a few letters in by the time his phone vibrates with a second text. He nearly drops it, scrambles to catch it, then nearly drops it again when he reads what she wrote.

"Caspar?!" he accidentally says aloud. He looks around then to be sure no one heard him only to see his brother Lawrence looking at him with expectantly raised eyebrows. Harrowheart instinctively clasps his phone to his chest to keep it safe and secret, and Lawrence's face breaks into a greasy, scheming grin.

"Who's Caspar?" Lawrence asks slyly as he slides across the bench. Harrowheart leans away, but Lawrence persists. He tries to pry his brother's hands away from his phone as Harrowheart grunts and wines.

"Just some guy!" Harrow insists, turning away to use his body as a shield.

"Some guy?" Oh, Lawrence is only more intrigued now, sweetheart. "Now you've got some guy named Caspar on the side? What happened to ~Isidor?~"

Harrowheart gasps and turns to face his brother. He starts to protest, "Caspar's not–" but in his distraction Lawrence swipes the phone and, laughing, starts to read the message.

Wait. This isn't juicy gossip. "Oh, it's that Adia chick, huh?" His eyes dart back and form as he skims the message, then scoffs. "Not much for punctuation, is she? So what's the deal here?"

Harrowheart sighs, put out as any man can be. He holds his hand out for the phone, and to his surprise his brother gives it up. "Adia was in love with a half-robot clone fella named Caspar, but they were on opposite sides of a war and got separated. They ran into each other again and he kinda treated her bad, but only for pretend, since there were other robot folk around to see. She thought he died when Caspar's people's ship got destroyed, but it turns out he was on her ship, and he's alive!"

Lawrence eyes his brother up and down, then scoffs again. "Sounds like one of your fucking stories. So, what are you going to tell her? You're going to tell her to go to him, right?"

"I don't know!" Harrowheart says, throwing up his free hand.

"Well you better figure it out fast, bud, or she'll write you another tome. Just... Tell her to meet with him."

Harrowheart stares at his phone screen, lips pursed, Lawrence sitting next to him and peering over his shoulder. After a few more seconds of hesitation he begins to type.

I can't believe Caspar is alive! Yes of course you need to meet him! This is fate! What's the worse that could happen?

[chiron_survivor]

She fidgets with her PINpoint while waiting for Harrowheart to reply. She hopes it's soon. She can't hide in the woods all day, she has stuff she needs to do before --

Ah! He replied! She reads his message hurriedly. Frowns a little at the word "fate". Frowns even more over his rhetorical question.

Unaware that her texts have an audience, she types back, more thoughtfully this time.

I'm going to meet with him no matter what. But I'm scared. You remember how things went last time. We aren't the same people anymore. What if whatever we had is gone now? I don't want to remember him as someone terrible.

Hopefully Lawrence will appreciate her judicious use of punctuation this time.

[westfallcorndog]

Harrowheart's thumbs hover over his phone screen, but he quickly finds that he's unsure of what to say. He looks to his brother, who's resting his chin on his shoulder. Harrowheart raises his eyebrows expectantly, while Lawrence's lower. Lawrence scrubs at his cheeks with his good hand as he considers this message.

"Okay, two options here: You tell her that it'll be easier to move on if he turns out to be a dick, or you convince her he's not a dick. Problem with the latter is that you get her hopes up and your ass is on the line if you're wrong. Problem with the former is people never see it that way until after the fact, and she's not going to appreciate it."

"How'm I supposed to convince her he's not a dick if I don't know for sure, though?" Harrowheart asks quietly.

Lawrence shakes his head slightly. "Go back up to the previous letter. Look, right there: She says he wants to see her, right? He wouldn't want to meet up if he was a dick, right?"

Harrow gasps! Lawrence has wisdom! He immediately types back to Adia.

Caspar would not want to meet with you if he did not want to see you right? That means he still cares about you! What you had is not gone!

He hits send and leans back against the bench with a smugly satisfied smile.

A few seconds later Lawrence shrugs and frowns thoughtfully. "I mean," he says, gesturing vaguely, "Unless he's holding a murder-grudge against her, and this is how he tricks her into walking into her doom."

"LAWRENCE!"

[chiron_survivor]

As she reads over the reply, her heart swells with hope. He's right; Caspar could have easily slunk off into the wilderness, her none the wiser. He at least cares enough about her to be willing to her face her again, after everything that's happened.

And yet...

He broke my heart. Twice. I mean, he had his reasons, but it's not like we can't pretend it never happened.

What should I say to him?

[westfallcorndog]

Lawrence sighs, a tight-lipped, prolonged 'ooh.' "You didn't tell me he broke her heart twice. What the Hell did he do?"

Harrow's mouth shifts side to side. "Roughed her up a little when he was performin' for the other Cylons – the clone folk, I mean."

Lawrence's eyebrows lower. A little violence isn't unusual where they come from, but intimate partner violence isn't a good look. "And?"

"And what?"

"And what was the other thing he did?"

Harrow's face contorts into an uncomfortable wince. He opens and closes his mouth ineffectually. Eventually he glances around and leans in to whisper something in Lawrence's ears. Whatever he says makes Lawrence's eyes drift downward. He stares at his brother's hands as he mulls this all over.

Lawrence finally mutters, "It's not really her place to hold that against him, is it?"

Harrowheart remains quiet and watches his brother, visibly confused. After a few seconds of staring he starts to shake his head. "He didn't just hurt himself. He hurt her, too. I mean, he did it right in front of her..."

Well, that complicates things. Lawrence is back to thinking, and for a long while Adia's message goes unanswered. "You know I wouldn't forgive my ex if she came crawling back," he finally says, and Harrowheart nods wordlessly. "But this feels... Different. What he did... He couldn't have been in his right mind. It wasn't a decision that was about other people."

Harrowheart's eyebrows twitch. "But... Don't that make him a bad person too? She didn't even cross his mind when he did what he did. Anna would say that makes someone bad."

"Harrowheart..." Lawrence sighs. He wasn't ready for this conversation. He rubs his forehead with his palm and gestures to the phone with his prosthetic hand. "Your friend's waiting. Type what I say, trust me on it, and we'll have this talk another time."

As Lawrence dictates his advice, Harrowheart types.

Meet him but don't act too happy to see him. Be serious and business like but not angry. Don't tell him he hurt you. Wait to see if he apologizes or brings it up. If he does then he is sorry. If he does not then he does not understand how much he hurt you. That is how you will know if he loves you and deserves another chance.

[chiron_survivor]

The prolonged silence worries her only because it gives her more time to think about seeing Caspar later. She picks at a fray on the knee of her pants and frowns to herself. She should change before she sees him.. but won't that shows that she cares too much? Does that matter? Should it matter?

Her PINpoint vibrates and saves her from wandering too far down that awkward rabbit hole. She reads over the text, frowning thoughtfully all the while. It's good advice, but it doesn't quite sound like something Harrowheart would say. She would have expected more passion. This is her last chance, isn't it? Shouldn't she speak from the heart?

But... no, he's right about this, too. She won't be able to move past this if he doesn't apologize.

Okay. It'll be hard not to be emotional, but I'll try.

She bites her lip and adds:

He was very upset when he resurrected, according to a Six who was there. So I think he at least felt bad about it at the time.

[westfallcorndog]

Lawrence looks at Harrowheart with a hint of a smile, and Harrowheart looks back with equally hesitant hopefulness.

"See?" Lawrence says. "It isn't fair for someone to hold someone else accountable for making that kind of choice. The guy wasn't himself when he did it. He regretted it when he realized what he did."

Harrowheart's attention is on his phone as he listens, and that vague smile from before is replaced by a thoughtful neutrality. Lawrence watches him, a slight lean the only hint that he expects to hear an agreement... Yet he isn't surprised when one doesn't come.

"Hey," Lawrence whispers. He puts his arm around his brother's shoulder and regards him seriously. Harrowheart looks his way, but slowly his attention drifts back to the phone. "You heard me, right? I said that if someone were to have died like Caspar did, that wouldn't make them a bad person. Even if them being gone hurt people. You believe that, right?"

Harrowheart's lips press thin. Twice he looks between his phone and his brother. Adia is waiting for them.

Lawrence bites the inside of his cheek. "You believe I believe that, at least?"

A pause passes between them. When Harrowheart's lips finally part, all he has to say is, "What do we tell Adia?"

Lawrence sighs. He shrug one shoulder and brings his arm back to his own side. "Tell her..."

Don't be mad at Caspar for what he did to himself. You can be mad or sad that he left you alone but don't make him feel bad for how it happened. A person who loves him should be happier to have him back then mad that he was gone but it is okay to be mad that he left you alone. Tell him that.


What do you want to hear him say to you though? What would make you feel better?

[chiron_survivor]

This text feels much more personal. It takes her a while to respond, not wanting to accidentally hurt Harrowheart in the process of revealing her own mixed-up feelings.

The last thing I want is to make him feel bad for that. He didn't have much of a choice.

She thinks back to that fateful day, when he killed himself. It was the worst hour of her life, alone with his body. And that hour turned into days, weeks, months... three years of being without him, having her hopes raised repeatedly, only to be dashed into nothing.

But I am mad at him. I don't like being mad, but I am. He left me and only now after I've faced everything on my own does he come back.

She breathes deeply. It takes a lot to admit her anger, but it's there, burning within her along with her hope.

I want him to say he's sorry for leaving me. For pushing me away. That he's coming back to me now because he loves me, and not because it happens to be convenient.

[westfallcorndog]

Then you have to ask him why he came back now and not before.

Harrowheart types and sends that immediately. He doesn't need to follow Lawrence's advice there. He wouldn't have said anything less.

He will probally say he stayed away to protect you but you will have to de side for your self if that is true.

Lawrence nods quietly as he reads what his brother is writing. Hey, when Harrow follows his heart he's not so dumb.

When you tell him that you are mad at him you should ask if he can handle that. Will he still want to be with you even if you are always a little hurt in you're heart?

He turns his phone over after he sends that last text, and as if Adia can hear him, whispers lowly to Lawrence, "Is it fair to tell her to ask him if he hurt any humans?"

Lawrence blinks hard and huffs in surprise. "Is it? How do you feel when people ask you? Do you think Adia wants to know what he did? She seemed like kind of... Emotionally..." He rolls his eyes and wobbles his hand. "Doughy."

Harrowheart nods once, incredibly serious. That's true... But is it fair for her to not have a chance to talk Caspar's potential crimes over before she's faced with them? He flips his phone over and types again in a rush.

Will you ask what he did in the war or do you not want to know? If he hurt humans could you live with knowing???

[chiron_survivor]

It's good advice, but that doesn't make it any easier to take. Especially under the assumption that she'll keep carrying this hurt around, even if he says and does all the right things.

I don't want to always have a little hurt in my heart. Is that inevitable?

She's never had her heart broken so badly. All her exes stayed friends with her. She even remained friends with Will. Is this what happens when things end badly? The hurt stays, no matter how much he apologizes, no matter how much she forgives?

The next question makes her chest clench uncomfortably.

I don't know. His model was notorious for torturing humans in the Detention Center.

There are some acts of violence that are unforgivable, even during times of War.

I can't

I can't be with someone who takes pleasure in hurting innocent civilians. If he did that, then we can't be together.

I'll ask him.

[westfallcorndog]

Is that inevitable? Harrowheart turns to his brother for advice to see Lawrence turned away and busying himself with lighting a pair of cigarettes. He's distracted by more than the lighter, Harrowheart can tell. He keeps himself to himself and stares at his thumbs as they idly trace the outline of his phone's case.

Is that inevitable?...

Your heart will hurt for as long as it needs to but it is only inevitable if you let it be.

He looks to Lawrence again when he sends the message. His brother reads it, nods, and offers him a cigarette. Lawrence loops his arm around Harrowheart's shoulder and together they watch her incoming replies. Harrow points to the word 'notorious' and glances at his brother.

"Notorious," Lawrence reads aloud. "It's like... Famous for doing something bad."

Harrowheart nods, and wordlessly his lips test the word. Notorious.

"He's not going to tell her the truth," Lawrence says. Harrow shrugs his shoulder and nods with a sideways tip of his head. "It's not like you tell us what you did in the Scourge," Lawrence adds. Again, a tip of the head and a tilt of the shoulder. True!

After a drag and a cough Lawrence says, "The difference is, none of us wants to know. Adia does."

Harrow asks, "But what do we say now? Just let her go?"

Lawrence scratches at his stubble and 'hrm's as he thinks. "Ask her..."

Is there any thing he might ask you that you are not ready to answer?

[chiron_survivor]

She sighs and leans back against the rough but familiar bark of the poplar tree behind her. His answer to her heart hurting is one she can live with -- if she's learned anything from her time on that Nightmare ship, it's that pretending things don't hurt only makes them worse later on. She hasn't denied or ignored her feelings about Caspar since.

Although it's a lot easier to make peace with the dead. A lot harder to deal with one's emotions when that dead person keeps popping back into your life and giving you new reasons to be upset with them...

Sighing again, she looks away from her screen and rubs at her forehead. By the time she looks back, there is a new text, one that stops her thoughts short. Something she's not ready to answer?

I don't know. I don't think so.

If I can't forgive him right away, I don't want him to rush me.

[westfallcorndog]

Both men shake their heads at that text.

You can't rush forgiveness.

A few seconds pass after another glance Lawrence's way. Harrow's lips press into a thin line, and hesitantly he continues.

What about other humans? They might not forgive him like you do. Are you ready for that?

[chiron_survivor]

In contrast to most of her other responses, this one comes without delay.

It's their decision whether to forgive him or not, but I'm not going to let that influence me and I'm not going to hide my feelings.

Not anymore.

[westfallcorndog]

Harrowheart's thumbs quickly get to work.

Then you know what it is time to do. You have to go to him.

He looks to his brother, who quickly nods. It's time to let Adia go. Whatever happens after this is her path to navigate.

Harrowheart hits send and turns his phone over. Whatever happens with Caspar he's sure he'll know the next time he sees Adia.

[chiron_survivor]

She reads over the message, then peeks out from around her tree, back in the direction of her lab. And eventually Caspar.

To keep the conversation going at this point would be stalling. He's right. Time to go.

Thank you for all the advice, Harrowheart. I'll let you know how it goes.

Her next text doesn't come until hours and hours later. It's short and simple, buffered on either end by heart emojis.

He loves me!