chiron_survivor | Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

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amelia

Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

It has been several days since Adia has been in the Nexus.

Truthfully, her visits to the Nexus this past month have been a little sparse. She spent most of her time working on her new home and processing the emotions unearthed by her time in her Nightmare, making peace with the death of her Cylon ex-boyfriend.

And then her Cylon ex-boyfriend turned out not to be dead after all. And, well...

They had a lot of catching up to do.

But she is in the Nexus now, getting Caspar a PINpoint of his own. On a whim, she decides to get herself a new PINpoint, too, something that looks less like a stopwatch and more like a smartphone. As she transfers over her contact list, she realizes with a guilty start that she hasn't been very good at staying in touch with anyone lately.

Well, no time like the present. She'll start with the first person on her list, Amelia. She's actually seen Amelia a few times in the secluded garden near the library, but they haven't done much more than exchange pleasantries. No mention of what happened at the Halloween party. Adia didn't want to poke at fresh wounds.

But untreated wounds have a bad habit of festering...

Hi, Amelia. Thanks for the books you reserved for me, I'm returning them today. Would you like to meet up somewhere? I have some news to share.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hearing her friend laugh makes the last of the concern over an ever-changing Nexus melt away. "True enough," she agrees, with a small chuckle of her own. "At least the important things have stayed the same."

Adia would insist that there's nothing extraordinary about her, if she had any idea what Amelia is thinking. Instead, her mind is on the plans she's looking forward to making with her boyfriend. She smiles gratefully and takes a sip of her ginger ale. "I didn't want you to suddenly be surprised if you see him somewhere. So far, he's only been interested in the Shopping District." Her mouth twitches into more of a grin and she adds, "I'm going to ask him to spend some time in the Plaza. It'd be good for him to meet people who don't have a bias against Cylons."

"Yes, that was quite helpful." Until she hurt herself leaning on someone in a way that wasn't good for either of them. She sighs at the memory, but doesn't say anything more.

Adia's teasing earns a quirked eyebrow as she takes a sip of her ginger ale. "So I'll get to meet him soon?" That's an exciting prospect. Now that Caspar and Adia are back together, the rogue is eager to meet the man and size him up for herself. He has some amount of her trust already, because of what her friend has told her and the trust she has in him, but Amelia wants to be assured he deserves the rest of it herself. "I'd like that."

She notices the sigh, as she notices most mood shifts in others, in particular Amelia who paradoxically doesn't hide her emotions but seems unwilling to acknowledge them at the same time. Whatever memory briefly troubled her, Adia is not going to comment.

"Yes, absolutely." Perhaps she'll tell Caspar a little more about Amelia so that he knows what to expect (and can also be on his best behavior). "If you don't see him around, i'll try to set up something more formal. He's, um... not as big a fan of the Nexus as I am. He focuses far more on the threats than the positives." She shrugs. "I wasn't going to lie to him about what sometimes happens when the AV field fails or there's a curse, but I kind of wish I hadn't told him everything all at once."

"I'm sure I'll see him if he makes it to the Plaza." She spends more than enough time there these days. Anyone new or out of the ordinary is going to be very easy for her to spot. She also doesn't want Adia going out of her way for her. That never ends well for anyone, as she found out with Steve only a few weeks ago.

Before Amelia can comment on Caspar's tendencies to look for the worst in a situation, their pizza arrives. The waitress sets it up on a little stand between them and offers each woman a plate, silverware, and a refill on their ginger ale, before disappearing again. The rogue smiles the whole time and politely thanks the woman, but her smile is the very best of fakes. If the waitress notices, she doesn't comment, but the moment her back is turned, it falls from Amelia's face.

"I understand why he does that," she says softly, taking a piece of pizza onto her plate so that it can start to cool. "When you care for someone, you want to protect them above all else. Finding those things that can hurt them, so you can address them one by one, is the natural first step." One that Amelia's taken more times than she can count, even for people who didn't need that kind of protection.

"Great." She smiles and consciously tries not to concern herself with how that meeting will go. The arrival of the pizza is thankfully an excellent distraction, and she gives the waitress a genuine smile, thanking her as well before setting up her plate and silverware before helping herself to a slice. It's going to be a real effort to wait for it to cool enough so she can take a bite without burning the roof of her mouth.

Amelia's insight into Caspar's motivation is once again spot-on. "He's very proactive about things like that," she agrees. She carefully unfolds her napkin and adds quietly, "It's nice. Having him look out for me. I just don't want him to blame himself if something happens that he couldn't protect me from."

So many things she understand more from Caspar's perspective than Adia's. She huffs a small laugh as she pokes at her slice of pizza, testing to see if it's cool enough to eat before she responds.

"I don't think you can stop him from doing that. People like him--" Another huff of a laugh. "Like us will always find a reason to blame ourselves if something happens to those we love most. It doesn't matter how true it is or how far-fetched the idea is. We could be completely removed from the multiverse for that single moment in time when a loved one is hurt and it would still be our fault." She smiles ruefully as she opts for a sip of ginger ale while the pizza is still too hot. "It's in our nature, and it's not something we can, much less want to, change."

The admittance that they think alike makes her smile a little, but she sobers up once Amelia elaborates on that nature. It's a hard truth to hear, both for her friend and for the man she loves. "That's a lot of weight to carry," she murmurs, poking at her own slice.

It's a feeling she can sympathize with, too. There is nothing worse than being unable to help someone who needs it, even if it's only due to circumstance.

"I think it's going to be a while before he stops carrying around the guilt he feels over what happened."

"It's not something you ever truly let go of," she says softly. "It's always there. It's more about how well you hide the weight, or how well you can forget it's there for a while."

Amelia's certain the slice of pizza she picks up and takes a bite of is delicious. It smells great and she's had similar things in the past from this place. But as with most foods these days, the pizza is all but tasteless. She'll still make her way through the whole slice so as to not worry Adia, though.

When she's finished off her pizza, she takes a drink of her ginger ale, then looks up at Adia with a small, sad smile. "I'm sure Caspar will do much better than someone like me, though. He's got you, and love is a powerful thing to chase away any pain."

Not for the first time, and likely not for the last, she wishes she had the right words to ease Amelia's burden. For now, she lets her comment stand as-is, and eats her own slice in companionable silence.

It really is good pizza. and when she's done with the slice, she looks over at the rest of the pie. Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a little more. At least Amelia has eaten some, although there is the nagging suspicion that it's only for show.

"Oh, but you have me, too, Amelia. I mean, not like that, obviously, but you can always seek me out if you need someone to help you feel better." She sets down her second slice, wiping the grease from her fingers with the napkin. "I have been through so much these past three years. It's my friends who have helped me through the darkest times. Not Caspar, although I'm sure he wishes that he had."

A wry smile tugs at her lips as she dutifully takes another slice of pizza. "Thanks. I appreciate that."

She has friends, yes. A couple of them, like Adia and Steve, are always reminding them that they're available to her when she needs them. But it's a useless thing to offer when she doesn't know how to ask for help. Or, worse, when she knows she has to, but doesn't want to deal with the reasons she needs her friends' aid. The Nightmare is still too real to handle, and if her conversation with Steve proved anything, it's that Amelia isn't ready for it - or for what comes after.

She's not ready to try and live again. Surviving is hard enough. Living, being happy? Those things only lead to ending up in places like the Nightmare and stuck in the Nexus. Her heart can't handle all of that yet.

"He'll be here for you going forward, though," she chides gently. "And you for him. I'm sure he appreciates that as much as you do, even if each of you has a different way of expressing it."

At least Adia isn't pushing Amelia to talk about the Nightmare. Steve is braver than her in that respect, even if the results were a disaster. She picks up her slice again and takes another bite while being reminded of Caspar's new role in her life.

"Yeah," she agrees softly, after chewing and swallowing. "There's a lot that's new for him to deal with. Not just the Nexus. I don't think his time on the Chiron prepared himself for being around so many people."

Talking about someone else is much easier for Amelia to do, so when Adia catches onto the topic of Caspar, the rogue is quick to capitalize on it.

"He's not a big fan of people? she asks, tilting her head slightly in curiosity. "Or is there something about them that makes him uncomfortable?" Good things for her to know if she's going to meet and interact with him sometime in the near future.

She starts to answer, then hesitates, a slight frown on her face. She feels like she understands perfectly Caspar's aversion to most people, but explaining it to someone else requires her to organize her thoughts first.

"He... doesn't like most humans. But even on the Chiron, when he thought he was human, he was very introverted. More than me, even." She worries her lower lip, thinking back to how quiet he was, how he only wanted to keep her company out of anyone on the ship. "He's used to people not thinking much of him -- or at least that's his perception. Avoiding others is his defense."

Adia's little comment about herself earns the smallest of smiles from the rogue. "For how many times you've asked for advice, I'd say you're more extroverted than you give yourself credit for. And if not that... I think you're incredibly brave." Not everyone is willing to put themselves out there the way Adia does. Whether it's heartache she needs help with or letting everyone know she's okay, Adia's willing to be heard and seen in a way many people aren't.

Maybe some of that stems from Amelia's doubts and fears that are lingering from the Nightmare, but she's always thought Adia was brave. Certainly braver than she could ever be.

"I hope he won't think people are like that here," she says, her smile melting into a neutral expression. "Living in a place like this can bring forward a lot of biases, but I think he'll find it's in his favor this time." A beat as she nods to Adia and takes her glass in her hands. "He has the best bias anyone could ask for in you."

The rogue's compliment presents Adia with a real conundrum: knowing how introverted she is, she simply cannot accept the label of extroversion. But to do so would mean that she can't brush off being labeled as brave, either... well, she can accept brave, but incredibly brave? The very thought makes her blush.

"I used to ask for advice from behind a computer screen," she admits. "But Josh told me that someone once hacked into the Nexus computer network that way, and I didn't want anyone to think I was up to no good, so I switched to asking my questions in person." She takes a sip of ginger ale and smiles sheepishly. "My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be, but I'd still prefer to send a text than to call out to passers-by."

She appreciates it, though. She needs to be brave, more often than not.

"I hope so, too, but..." She sighs. "Old habits of thinking are hard to break, you know?" And then her blush returns with Amelia's additional comment, but she laughs, too. "Are you sure?" she asks, her tone gently teasing. "You're ready to beat him up if he steps out of line. I'm sure you aren't the only one out of my Nexus friends who feels that way."

"I'm glad you came out to speak to us directly," she says after taking a few bites of her next slice of pizza. "We might never have met if you didn't." The thought of not having Adia as a friend is one Amelia doesn't want to linger on. She's glad they met and are such good friends that they can speak openly to one another like this. It's not often the rogue feels so comfortable with people she's met in the Nexus.

She's about to say something about habits when Adia calls her out on what she said earlier about Caspar. "If is right," she counters with a smile. "In the past, I'd have said when. But I trust you and your judgement enough to believe there's a good chance I won't need to exercise that option." She'll still be watching him, but she does that with everyone. That's her habit that's almost impossible to break. "I can't speak for anyone else, but if you can convince me to take it easy on him, I'm sure you can convince others, too."

The look of surprise on her face makes it clear that she's never thought of that possibility before. She had been so concerned about not violating the social norms of the Nexus that she hadn't considered the practical benefit of acting questions in person. "Oh... you're right..."

She's lucky that anyone had taken the time to respond to her electronically at all. Amelia's compassion for seeing another woman in pain over love lost was what brought them together. "Looks like there was a silver lining to Caspar being rude to me after all," she says with a faint smile. "And by the way, he's very sorry for that." In case Amelia still holds a grudge. Adia certainly doesn't.

Taking a bite of pizza, she has a moment to be pleased with Amelia's trust in her own judgement. "Thanks," she sincerely. "For trusting me, I mean. I"m still expecting him to get the shovel talk here... I mean, he's gotten it from nearly everyone on Earth, including the Centurion I helped on Galactica. One of the inorganic Cylons. He lectured Caspar in binary."

She can see what Adia's doing with offering the tidbit about Caspar, and it pulls a small laugh from the rogue. Even if she had held a grudge early today, it's gone now. Adia's too happy and convinced of Caspar's honesty for Amelia to be able to hold onto hard feelings. "If he's trying to buy you everything under the sun, I believe you completely." It's one of the many signs of trying to make up for past transgressions, and Amelia knows the feeling very well.

"You've had my trust for a long time," she says earnestly. "I believe in you." Adia inspires trust and loyalty like very few others, and Amelia feels lucky to be counted among the friends who can say they feel that. It's a warm, comforting feeling, one that the rogue couldn't begin to explain properly if she tried.

But one part of Adia's commentary earns a very confused look. "...binary?" Shovel talk she understands - and has given plenty of times - but that's a new one. Her lips draw into a thin line as she tries to work out what it is, at least in part, before clarifying her question. "The way you say that makes it seem like it's some language?"

Her smile grows in response to Amelia's words, even as she ducks her head a little at the observation. She is not too proud to accept Caspar's generosity -- in fact, part of her relishes the attention he lavishes on her when they go shopping -- but with so many people getting by with less than what she has, she can't justify anyone spending that much money on her. Not even her boyfriend.

It's much easier to accept Amelia's trust, and worth so much more to her than anything bought in a store. "That means a lot to me," she says sincerely. "I wasn't always this sure of myself, but I am about this."

As for binary, she grins and puts down her slice of pizza so she can wipe her hands on her napkin. "It is! Sort of. It's how computers operate at their most basic level." Hands clean, she rummages through her messenger bag until she finds a notebook and a pen. She flips through notes on gardening and beekeeping to get to a blank page.

"In binary, there are only two symbols. Zero and one." She writes them down. "All numbers can be expressed with a zero and a one. So... zero... one... two.. three..." She writes '0 1 10 11' respectively. "And so on. You can correspond numbers to other symbols, so you can pass on any information you like using zeros and ones. Or on and off switches, in the case of computers." She looks up at Amelia to see if she's following. "Basically, if a Centurion is going to take the time to talk to Caspar in binary, it's going to be a lot more... hmm. Serious."

Amelia watches carefully as Adia writes out numbers to... represent other numbers... on her notepad. She gives herself a little extra time to think about everything that's being explained to her by finishing off her current slice of pizza and washing it down with more ginger ale. This is more complicated than anything she's ever seen before and not even her magical translating ring is helping.

"That seems... excessive?" Her lips draw into a thin line as she cleans her hands with a napkin. "Why would the Centurion do that? If it speaks your language, why bother using this other one? Did it want to make sure Caspar didn't misunderstand him? It seems like it would take a very long time." And maybe that's the point? But Amelia doesn't fully understand.

She gives Amelia all the time she needs to think about it, working on her own slice of pizza while she waits. It's unlikely she'll have another slice, although a refill on her drink would be kind of nice. Pepperoni makes her thirsty.

When her friend finally voices her confusion, Adia can't help but giggle. Amazing how her friend both gets it and doesn't in the same breath. "Centurions are seven feet tall," she says, the beginning of a roundabout explanation. "They have machine gun ports in their wrists. Imagine one of them leaning over Caspar, a hand on his shoulder, staring at him, explaining to him in excruciating detail what will happen if he hurts me."

Maybe now Amelia will understand why the Centurion chose such an archaic language to express himself.

Knowing the full scope of who is talking down to Caspar definitely brings the point home. Even without having met him, the mental image of anyone being loomed over by a machine like the one Adia describes is rather humorous. Well, assuming she and none of her friends are the ones in that position, of course.

"That is quite the shovel talk," she agrees with a small, huffed laugh. "As intimidated as others may have been, though, I have a feeling Caspar wasn't as worried about it. Especially if he's gotten the talk from so many others." It makes Amelia less likely to give him a talk like that herself, since he's heard it so many times. She doubts she can add anything that would possibly scare him the way talks like that are intended to.

It's even funnier considering that Caspar is on the shorter side of average, but Adia is not about to bring his height into this. She's very fond of being able to look into his eyes without straining her neck. So far as she's concerned, they're a perfect fit.

"He's difficult to intimidate," she agrees thoughtfully. "Although his relationship with the rebel Cylons -- especially the Centurions -- is a little rocky." She shakes her head and exhales through her nose. That's a whole other situation that she's not inclined to get involved in, as it has nothing to do with herself. "Most Centurions take little notice of humans, but this one tried his best to help the wounded during the rescue mission. I guess we bonded a little over that."

Leave it to Adia to befriend a 7 foot tall robot with built-in machine guns.

Adia could befriend anyone, if she put her mind to it. It's not at all surprising that she befriended a machine like the Centurion.

"Maybe this will be the end of it," she suggests, a small, hopeful smile on her face. "Maybe even your Centurion friend will see that Caspar has no intention of hurting you and see how happy the two of you are together." It's a very optimistic point of view, but it's the kind that Adia ascribes to. And truly, Amelia does want the hard part of getting Caspar back to be over for her friend. "Both of you deserve the chance to settle in on your new world together."

It's the hardest friend she's ever had to make -- the Centurions were the face of the Cylon War long before any of the humanoid models. Their roving red 'eye', a red LED light endlessly cycling back and forth, was a source of many of her nightmares.

Turns out they're easy to get along with. Simple, straight-forward emotions. No mind games or lying. It's nice.

"Maybe," she replies, although she doesn't sound as hopeful. She doesn't sound upset about it, either. A little resigned more than anything. She returns Amelia's smile. "We're settling in just fine, regardless. We have a cabin that's the perfect size for us. Caspar has done so much work fixing it up. It's not like those concrete compounds on New Caprica, it's a real home."

Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

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