chiron_survivor | Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

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amelia

Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

It has been several days since Adia has been in the Nexus.

Truthfully, her visits to the Nexus this past month have been a little sparse. She spent most of her time working on her new home and processing the emotions unearthed by her time in her Nightmare, making peace with the death of her Cylon ex-boyfriend.

And then her Cylon ex-boyfriend turned out not to be dead after all. And, well...

They had a lot of catching up to do.

But she is in the Nexus now, getting Caspar a PINpoint of his own. On a whim, she decides to get herself a new PINpoint, too, something that looks less like a stopwatch and more like a smartphone. As she transfers over her contact list, she realizes with a guilty start that she hasn't been very good at staying in touch with anyone lately.

Well, no time like the present. She'll start with the first person on her list, Amelia. She's actually seen Amelia a few times in the secluded garden near the library, but they haven't done much more than exchange pleasantries. No mention of what happened at the Halloween party. Adia didn't want to poke at fresh wounds.

But untreated wounds have a bad habit of festering...

Hi, Amelia. Thanks for the books you reserved for me, I'm returning them today. Would you like to meet up somewhere? I have some news to share.

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"I have, and it's also very delicious. Maybe pepperoni, basil, and oregano, then?" It certainly sounds very good, even if Amelia's not feeling particularly hungry due to the stress.

As Adia stands, Amelia hesitates to let the other woman's hand go. It takes longer than it normally would for her to pull back, and she quickly busies her hands by fidgeting with her gloves as they start on the path out of the garden. Even the brief moment of contact was comforting, but the rogue knows better than to hold onto it. If she holds on, then she's going to break down and that is not an option right now.

"I'm sure he is, given how you smile every time you say his name." She's not teasing like she normally would be. Despite her sullen mood and unhappy demeanor, Amelia's very glad to see her friend so content and loved. "Hold onto him as long as you can, Adia, and I'm sure he'll do the same for you."

"Sure," Adia says agreeably. She'd be fine with anything, really, but that sounds like something she'd especially like. "How'd you find this place?"

That hesitation does not go unnoticed. Adia would offer her hand all the way to the pizza shop, but she's certainly not going to push physical touch onto Amelia. Instead, she stays close but gives the rogue the personal space she needs as they head out of the garden.

Amelia's comment makes her blush and smile again. "We do a lot of holding on," she admits. "Literally. He hasn't changed in that regard, he's always been physically affectionate with me, even while he keeps others at a distance."

"Someone showed it to me in a another version of the Nexus. It's different than it once was, but they all knew me when I came back after the change." And that's definitely something she needs right now. "I don't go often, but the staff is friendly and the pizza very good."

That sounds very familiar to Amelia, too. It must be Adia that brings it out in people like them. "You don't seem to mind at all," she says, teasing ever so slightly. "But I think being close to the person you love is a good thing. People always seem happier when they get to express themselves in a way that makes both partners feel good." Not that she has any personal experience, but she's seen it plenty to have an idea.

It's not too far of a jaunt once they make it to the Plaza to the pizza parlor. The shopfront is on a corner of a building, with lots of windows and bright spaces inside. The booths are large and comfy, and the one the two of them are seated at is more secluded by the plants sitting across the back of it. It seems like it's Amelia's favorite, because the rogue doesn't even have to ask for it to get it.

When the waitress has wandered off after taking their drink order (offering Amelia's usual of a ginger ale before she can even ask for it), Amelia sinks deep into the booth with a sigh. Despite the warmth inside the restaurant, she keeps her cloak on and tucked around her as she settles in. As she removes her gloves, she looks over at Adia with a small smile. "Not too bad, right?" she asks.

"Another version? You've been to a different Nexus?" She bites her lip, as if nervous, but seems awfully curious, too. "You know, I... I had something similar happen to me, and I still can't figure out if a lot of time passed while I was gone, or if this place really is different somehow..."

She's not going to let that weigh heavily on her mind, not when Amelia is making her blush. But that secretive smile is not going anywhere. "No, I definitely do not mind. Caspar is very... considerate. He knows what I like, and when he doesn't, he asks." She tucks her hands in the pockets of her coat and adds, "That's half the fun, actually. When he asks."

The pizza parlor evokes a feeling of nostalgia from within her, as if there is some universal truth to its appearance. She orders a ginger ale, too, because it is just the thing to cut through the spicy saltiness of pepperoni. "This place is super cute," she tells Amelia, slipping out of her coat and folding it up beside her in the booth. Already she's thinking about taking Caspar here for a slice and a shared milkshake.

Edited 2017-12-10 13:58 (UTC)

"I think so? Most things are the same as before with subtle differences. The inn I live in still looks the same and all of my things were still there when everything changed, but it's run by a different family than it was before." Her lips draw into a thin line. "I don't know if that means it's a truly different Nexus or if there was simply a huge shift that many of us experienced all at once."

It seems a little odd that so many of them moved around at once, but as all of her friends moved with her, Amelia doesn't really mind. Her things were still there after she came back from her world for the last time and so were her friends. There's little more a rogue really needs in the multiverse.

Her smile warms a little as their waitress returns with their ginger ales and takes their pizza order. As the woman walks away, the rogue sits up a little and crosses her arms loosely in front of her chest. "I'm glad you like it. You can come back here anytime you'd like now, just like the garden." The difference being that there's delicious food here that the garden doesn't have available, and that's always a win.

"That's so strange..." And doesn't fit into any of her previous theories about why the Nexus changed so drastically in the three months she was away. But it sounds like the people haven't changed, only some of the details around them. That's a little easier to manage.

She'd much rather dwell on the subject of pizza. "Thanks," she says to Amelia with a warm smile. "I'd like to take Caspar here, if that's all right. And the garden, too? I want to show him everywhere that I've been in the Nexus. He appreciates quiet spaces, too."

"This place seems to be built on strange," she counters, huffing a small laugh. It feels out of place to laugh and smile, but Adia seems to have a power to draw it out of her. First when she was grieving for Steve, and now again when she's not well after the Nightmare. Is it a power of hers? It wouldn't surprise Amelia to find out that Adia did have some latent kind of power like that.

"Of course. You never have to ask. If I show you a place, please feel free to share it with anyone you'd like." Anything that's a secret in the Nexus gets out sooner or later, by the very nature of what this place is. Hiding a place anyone could stumble on when the Nexus shifts beneath their feet feels like a waste of time.

Hearing her friend laugh makes the last of the concern over an ever-changing Nexus melt away. "True enough," she agrees, with a small chuckle of her own. "At least the important things have stayed the same."

Adia would insist that there's nothing extraordinary about her, if she had any idea what Amelia is thinking. Instead, her mind is on the plans she's looking forward to making with her boyfriend. She smiles gratefully and takes a sip of her ginger ale. "I didn't want you to suddenly be surprised if you see him somewhere. So far, he's only been interested in the Shopping District." Her mouth twitches into more of a grin and she adds, "I'm going to ask him to spend some time in the Plaza. It'd be good for him to meet people who don't have a bias against Cylons."

"Yes, that was quite helpful." Until she hurt herself leaning on someone in a way that wasn't good for either of them. She sighs at the memory, but doesn't say anything more.

Adia's teasing earns a quirked eyebrow as she takes a sip of her ginger ale. "So I'll get to meet him soon?" That's an exciting prospect. Now that Caspar and Adia are back together, the rogue is eager to meet the man and size him up for herself. He has some amount of her trust already, because of what her friend has told her and the trust she has in him, but Amelia wants to be assured he deserves the rest of it herself. "I'd like that."

She notices the sigh, as she notices most mood shifts in others, in particular Amelia who paradoxically doesn't hide her emotions but seems unwilling to acknowledge them at the same time. Whatever memory briefly troubled her, Adia is not going to comment.

"Yes, absolutely." Perhaps she'll tell Caspar a little more about Amelia so that he knows what to expect (and can also be on his best behavior). "If you don't see him around, i'll try to set up something more formal. He's, um... not as big a fan of the Nexus as I am. He focuses far more on the threats than the positives." She shrugs. "I wasn't going to lie to him about what sometimes happens when the AV field fails or there's a curse, but I kind of wish I hadn't told him everything all at once."

"I'm sure I'll see him if he makes it to the Plaza." She spends more than enough time there these days. Anyone new or out of the ordinary is going to be very easy for her to spot. She also doesn't want Adia going out of her way for her. That never ends well for anyone, as she found out with Steve only a few weeks ago.

Before Amelia can comment on Caspar's tendencies to look for the worst in a situation, their pizza arrives. The waitress sets it up on a little stand between them and offers each woman a plate, silverware, and a refill on their ginger ale, before disappearing again. The rogue smiles the whole time and politely thanks the woman, but her smile is the very best of fakes. If the waitress notices, she doesn't comment, but the moment her back is turned, it falls from Amelia's face.

"I understand why he does that," she says softly, taking a piece of pizza onto her plate so that it can start to cool. "When you care for someone, you want to protect them above all else. Finding those things that can hurt them, so you can address them one by one, is the natural first step." One that Amelia's taken more times than she can count, even for people who didn't need that kind of protection.

"Great." She smiles and consciously tries not to concern herself with how that meeting will go. The arrival of the pizza is thankfully an excellent distraction, and she gives the waitress a genuine smile, thanking her as well before setting up her plate and silverware before helping herself to a slice. It's going to be a real effort to wait for it to cool enough so she can take a bite without burning the roof of her mouth.

Amelia's insight into Caspar's motivation is once again spot-on. "He's very proactive about things like that," she agrees. She carefully unfolds her napkin and adds quietly, "It's nice. Having him look out for me. I just don't want him to blame himself if something happens that he couldn't protect me from."

So many things she understand more from Caspar's perspective than Adia's. She huffs a small laugh as she pokes at her slice of pizza, testing to see if it's cool enough to eat before she responds.

"I don't think you can stop him from doing that. People like him--" Another huff of a laugh. "Like us will always find a reason to blame ourselves if something happens to those we love most. It doesn't matter how true it is or how far-fetched the idea is. We could be completely removed from the multiverse for that single moment in time when a loved one is hurt and it would still be our fault." She smiles ruefully as she opts for a sip of ginger ale while the pizza is still too hot. "It's in our nature, and it's not something we can, much less want to, change."

The admittance that they think alike makes her smile a little, but she sobers up once Amelia elaborates on that nature. It's a hard truth to hear, both for her friend and for the man she loves. "That's a lot of weight to carry," she murmurs, poking at her own slice.

It's a feeling she can sympathize with, too. There is nothing worse than being unable to help someone who needs it, even if it's only due to circumstance.

"I think it's going to be a while before he stops carrying around the guilt he feels over what happened."

"It's not something you ever truly let go of," she says softly. "It's always there. It's more about how well you hide the weight, or how well you can forget it's there for a while."

Amelia's certain the slice of pizza she picks up and takes a bite of is delicious. It smells great and she's had similar things in the past from this place. But as with most foods these days, the pizza is all but tasteless. She'll still make her way through the whole slice so as to not worry Adia, though.

When she's finished off her pizza, she takes a drink of her ginger ale, then looks up at Adia with a small, sad smile. "I'm sure Caspar will do much better than someone like me, though. He's got you, and love is a powerful thing to chase away any pain."

Not for the first time, and likely not for the last, she wishes she had the right words to ease Amelia's burden. For now, she lets her comment stand as-is, and eats her own slice in companionable silence.

It really is good pizza. and when she's done with the slice, she looks over at the rest of the pie. Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a little more. At least Amelia has eaten some, although there is the nagging suspicion that it's only for show.

"Oh, but you have me, too, Amelia. I mean, not like that, obviously, but you can always seek me out if you need someone to help you feel better." She sets down her second slice, wiping the grease from her fingers with the napkin. "I have been through so much these past three years. It's my friends who have helped me through the darkest times. Not Caspar, although I'm sure he wishes that he had."

A wry smile tugs at her lips as she dutifully takes another slice of pizza. "Thanks. I appreciate that."

She has friends, yes. A couple of them, like Adia and Steve, are always reminding them that they're available to her when she needs them. But it's a useless thing to offer when she doesn't know how to ask for help. Or, worse, when she knows she has to, but doesn't want to deal with the reasons she needs her friends' aid. The Nightmare is still too real to handle, and if her conversation with Steve proved anything, it's that Amelia isn't ready for it - or for what comes after.

She's not ready to try and live again. Surviving is hard enough. Living, being happy? Those things only lead to ending up in places like the Nightmare and stuck in the Nexus. Her heart can't handle all of that yet.

"He'll be here for you going forward, though," she chides gently. "And you for him. I'm sure he appreciates that as much as you do, even if each of you has a different way of expressing it."

At least Adia isn't pushing Amelia to talk about the Nightmare. Steve is braver than her in that respect, even if the results were a disaster. She picks up her slice again and takes another bite while being reminded of Caspar's new role in her life.

"Yeah," she agrees softly, after chewing and swallowing. "There's a lot that's new for him to deal with. Not just the Nexus. I don't think his time on the Chiron prepared himself for being around so many people."

Talking about someone else is much easier for Amelia to do, so when Adia catches onto the topic of Caspar, the rogue is quick to capitalize on it.

"He's not a big fan of people? she asks, tilting her head slightly in curiosity. "Or is there something about them that makes him uncomfortable?" Good things for her to know if she's going to meet and interact with him sometime in the near future.

She starts to answer, then hesitates, a slight frown on her face. She feels like she understands perfectly Caspar's aversion to most people, but explaining it to someone else requires her to organize her thoughts first.

"He... doesn't like most humans. But even on the Chiron, when he thought he was human, he was very introverted. More than me, even." She worries her lower lip, thinking back to how quiet he was, how he only wanted to keep her company out of anyone on the ship. "He's used to people not thinking much of him -- or at least that's his perception. Avoiding others is his defense."

Adia's little comment about herself earns the smallest of smiles from the rogue. "For how many times you've asked for advice, I'd say you're more extroverted than you give yourself credit for. And if not that... I think you're incredibly brave." Not everyone is willing to put themselves out there the way Adia does. Whether it's heartache she needs help with or letting everyone know she's okay, Adia's willing to be heard and seen in a way many people aren't.

Maybe some of that stems from Amelia's doubts and fears that are lingering from the Nightmare, but she's always thought Adia was brave. Certainly braver than she could ever be.

"I hope he won't think people are like that here," she says, her smile melting into a neutral expression. "Living in a place like this can bring forward a lot of biases, but I think he'll find it's in his favor this time." A beat as she nods to Adia and takes her glass in her hands. "He has the best bias anyone could ask for in you."

The rogue's compliment presents Adia with a real conundrum: knowing how introverted she is, she simply cannot accept the label of extroversion. But to do so would mean that she can't brush off being labeled as brave, either... well, she can accept brave, but incredibly brave? The very thought makes her blush.

"I used to ask for advice from behind a computer screen," she admits. "But Josh told me that someone once hacked into the Nexus computer network that way, and I didn't want anyone to think I was up to no good, so I switched to asking my questions in person." She takes a sip of ginger ale and smiles sheepishly. "My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be, but I'd still prefer to send a text than to call out to passers-by."

She appreciates it, though. She needs to be brave, more often than not.

"I hope so, too, but..." She sighs. "Old habits of thinking are hard to break, you know?" And then her blush returns with Amelia's additional comment, but she laughs, too. "Are you sure?" she asks, her tone gently teasing. "You're ready to beat him up if he steps out of line. I'm sure you aren't the only one out of my Nexus friends who feels that way."

"I'm glad you came out to speak to us directly," she says after taking a few bites of her next slice of pizza. "We might never have met if you didn't." The thought of not having Adia as a friend is one Amelia doesn't want to linger on. She's glad they met and are such good friends that they can speak openly to one another like this. It's not often the rogue feels so comfortable with people she's met in the Nexus.

She's about to say something about habits when Adia calls her out on what she said earlier about Caspar. "If is right," she counters with a smile. "In the past, I'd have said when. But I trust you and your judgement enough to believe there's a good chance I won't need to exercise that option." She'll still be watching him, but she does that with everyone. That's her habit that's almost impossible to break. "I can't speak for anyone else, but if you can convince me to take it easy on him, I'm sure you can convince others, too."

The look of surprise on her face makes it clear that she's never thought of that possibility before. She had been so concerned about not violating the social norms of the Nexus that she hadn't considered the practical benefit of acting questions in person. "Oh... you're right..."

She's lucky that anyone had taken the time to respond to her electronically at all. Amelia's compassion for seeing another woman in pain over love lost was what brought them together. "Looks like there was a silver lining to Caspar being rude to me after all," she says with a faint smile. "And by the way, he's very sorry for that." In case Amelia still holds a grudge. Adia certainly doesn't.

Taking a bite of pizza, she has a moment to be pleased with Amelia's trust in her own judgement. "Thanks," she sincerely. "For trusting me, I mean. I"m still expecting him to get the shovel talk here... I mean, he's gotten it from nearly everyone on Earth, including the Centurion I helped on Galactica. One of the inorganic Cylons. He lectured Caspar in binary."

She can see what Adia's doing with offering the tidbit about Caspar, and it pulls a small laugh from the rogue. Even if she had held a grudge early today, it's gone now. Adia's too happy and convinced of Caspar's honesty for Amelia to be able to hold onto hard feelings. "If he's trying to buy you everything under the sun, I believe you completely." It's one of the many signs of trying to make up for past transgressions, and Amelia knows the feeling very well.

"You've had my trust for a long time," she says earnestly. "I believe in you." Adia inspires trust and loyalty like very few others, and Amelia feels lucky to be counted among the friends who can say they feel that. It's a warm, comforting feeling, one that the rogue couldn't begin to explain properly if she tried.

But one part of Adia's commentary earns a very confused look. "...binary?" Shovel talk she understands - and has given plenty of times - but that's a new one. Her lips draw into a thin line as she tries to work out what it is, at least in part, before clarifying her question. "The way you say that makes it seem like it's some language?"

Getting back in touch. ((for rogueinladysclothing))

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